Following is an unofficial transcript of the President's remarks of March 17,
as transcribed as best as possible by the New York Times:

This is your Pres'dent. I'm here to tell you that we are going to war because we don't want war. We want peace. Actchually, we want piece. The piece we want is Iraq. Yup, we wants Iraq to be free. Free of its orl. There's too much orl in the wurld and Iraq has too much of it. So we're gonna get Iraq's url. They don't desserve it. It's too much for them t' handle. In fack, they got so much url that we need to stop 'em gettin nuculeer weapons. We're goona stop 'em. So we're gonna do what the world won't do cuz we s'port the world. an the UN. an Nato. Oops, I dinna mean to mension the UN and Nato. So forget the UN and Nato. We're in this to bring peace to the wurld and stop
the spread of nuculeer weapons to Iraq ... or beyond Iraq ... or to Iran ... or wherever. Yeah, and the Irackhi people's gonna keep their url. Should'a gonda them in da furst place. So I say to Ce-DAMN: Give up yur weapons o' mass deestruct'n or we'll take you out. Yur suns too. You fruckin ba'athsturd you. And my feller 'Mericans, you know we love piece--always have -- piece o' the world -- we're gonna git it! Good nite, and God bluss 'Merica.

"The President of the United States."

(thanks to L for the text, written by a teacher at a school for professional children)